Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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