As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
