This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
