i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
