I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
