Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
