i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
