When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
