i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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