First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
