why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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