I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
