If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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