she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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