i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
