just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
