OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
