Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
are you so shy because you have an std?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
