good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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