How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
