I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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