Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
