i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
