Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
