similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
