You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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