I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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