hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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