I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
