People in love make me want to vomit
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Success! We fucked roommates!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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