That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
