ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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