My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
