We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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