the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
