omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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