did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
