You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
