i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
