I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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