My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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