Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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