Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
