you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
