Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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