I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
