I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
