Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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