I heard we made out
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
