drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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