Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
