I think I died a long time ago.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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