how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
