I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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