i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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