i'm signing you up for texting rehab
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
