Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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