we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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