you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
