so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
In America we eat man semen.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
