It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
