I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
