i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Fuck appropriateness.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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