I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
