Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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