My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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