i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
