Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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