i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
