i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
