finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think a kid would responsible me up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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