No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
