franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
