I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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