She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
