a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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