Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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