I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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