Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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