I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
