so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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