I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
