I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
