apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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