Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
