3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
