I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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