Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
