mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
